Help requested....

[sssdsm]

Wow, it's nearly a year since I wrote here and I'm no closer to the goals I set out. How do you do it?

I have made achievements (academic), realisations, (mostly personal) but have yet to make changes I can see. I have prayed for change to be forced upon me, opportunities have arrived and I have not risen to the point where I can hold them in my grasp. They seem to slip by and I find myself wondering if I can ever fully succeed?

This is all a bit vague, so let me clarify.....
The many goals I have relate to letting go of fear (of failure) and embracing personal change, in my behaviours (indulgent eating, lack of motivation) and in my thought processes. How do you control the fear? It subconciously dominates and dictates my actions.I read from the Writings and work at understanding what I am supposed to do, but then I don't seem to be able to do it. I feel that if I can just achieve the two goals mentioned, I can start on the bigger ones. Sadly, I also feel (despite my best intentions) that if I cannot improve at these, I cannot start the many other personal transformational tasks I would like to set myself. Am I just making excuses?

I am an isolated believer close to a disfunctional community. I don't feel I can ask Baha'u'llah for any more assistance as I haven't made the most of what He has provided. I see my friends, wonderful spiritual, nuturing, growing souls and I feel withered inside. Like a small sapling blowing in a gale. I'm not strong enough.

Any thoughts?

[Tamara]

hmmm.......I would love to know your name, because you are deserving of being addressed in a kind manner and it gives even a more personal view for me of who you are :)

My thought is this,if you need help and support and you know it, you may be afraid to ask for it?The first step is realizing that you are not the only one with this situation.You may have extremely high expectations ,so, even the smallest step forward doesn't seem like much.

Controlling fear would be facing it, and facing it means you may see some things about you that you don't like but that just means you can strive to move out of that comfort zone and understand the situation.

Fear of rejection, not succeeding etc. Now fear of not succeeding can be in many different packages.If we see our long term goal and want that, we can't immediately get that,we have to go through the steps to get to the goal.We live in a society that wants it now,doesn't want to do the work for it and wants to be told how great they are!

So,that being said....I suggest you get a few people that you trust and love and won't tell you what you want to hear,they will tell you what you need to hear and will call you on your crap and you know that they are because they love you,not because they don't.It isn't easy but it is freeing, and it takes awhile to get into the groove of it all.You find people that want to move forward in their life.You pray and ask Bahau'llah,and be specific :)

It takes time and a support system.When you said .."Am I just making excuses?" well, some times we do, and we love the comfy couch of heedlessness or our comfort zone.

Recognition is wonderful, and you are recognizing the situation!

We are all strong, and all have the capacity to do many wonderful things in our lives!

The real question is....Why are you afraid to be the most wonderful human being you are supposed to be?


Peace~Tamara

[Chauvin On]

Dear Friend,
I am not sure that I can follow Tamara’s wonderful comments.
As Bill Clinton said “I feel your pain”. I believe we all have challenges and unfortunately have to deal with dysfunctional communities, because we are striving to implement and operate institutions and communities designed for the New World Order, but we are still operating with 20th century paradigms. But other than letting you know you are not alone, this may not seem much help.
However the fact that you are not alone is a big plus. As Tamara said a support system will help. I do not know if this is available to you locally, but you have reached out on this site and there are many wonderful people within your reach on “Soul Talk”.
You mentioned that you were not able to meet the goals you set, and therefore could not move on.
Are your goals specific and achievable in the short term?
You mentioned lack of motivation (That can just sap all our energy) pick something achievable, and meaningful and commit to it. How about posting your thoughts on the blog once a week!!! You need to have a consistent win before moving on. Share the commitment with someone, who will help and encourage you.
I am not sure of your background so I am not sure if a quotation which always inspires me will be meaningful to you.
"We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason if we ... remember that we are not descended from fearful men, not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate and to defend causes which were, for the moment, unpopular."
(Edward R. Murrow)
I hope the above is of some use , but if not please take heart from the fact that two people have sincerely responded to your request for help.

With warmest regards
Jim

[Chauvin On]

Dear Friend,
Just checking in.
Hope you are bearing up OK.
Wanted to share a quotation

Warmest regards

Jim

Men who suffer not, attain no perfection. The plant most pruned by the gardeners is that one which, when the summer comes, will have the most beautiful blossoms and the most abundant fruit.

(Abdu'l-Baha, Paris Talks, p. 50)

[Sharon]

Hi,
You asked for some thoughts. The Bahai Faith encourages us to be process orientated. I believe this kind of thinking can help us to recognise small changes within ourselves. So much of change happens underground. Words like control and fear are about us trying to grasp life, as you stated, but to pin life down is to end up with a dead butterfly in a box. That is the withered feeling. It is not only moving against the tide, but fighting it and failing, going nowhere, maybe going backwards as we become weaker and weaker our spirit more tired of trying.
To let go of your goals would be to let go of control.
But letting go is about just accepting where you are at and working with what you have got.
Obviously this is very hard.
Maybe you are not tired enough yet?

[Carrie]

Hello sssdsm,
Above are many useful thoughts. And I would add that in all circumstances, ask in prayer for assistance. That you self analyse is good and then moving yourself into a result from that analysis puts you on a path. But always stand in the rain of Guidance, put the umbrella down, don't worry that it be in your estimation a deserved assistance. The mightiest on earth need to ask in prayer for assistance.

'Abdu'l-Baha writes that we must pray and in just one passage for instance says:

Therefore, we supplicate the Lord our God with sincere and contrite hearts, asking aid and assistance in the accomplishment of this mighty end: that the nations shall be unified in the Word of God; that war, enmity and hatred between races, religions, native lands and denominations shall disappear and be forever unknown; and that peoples and nations shall spiritually embrace each other in the indissoluble bond and power of the love of God. (Abdu'l-Baha, The Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 441)


"sincere and contrite hearts" are necessary, "asking aid and assistance" is necessary. All things are relative individual to individual and so no judgement, even that which you hold for yourself, which is subject to the complications, the limitations, the clarities of your understanding, is meant to hold us back, none is in fact valid for we are evolutionary and we are unknown to each other, sometimes even to ourselves.

Because individuals are responsible for what they know, they need to reflect as to what it is they might know and act on it, whether a plan such as frequenting the same cafe or gallery or library every Wednesday, or if it means you realize that prayer morning and evening is going to set you on your path, or if it means you get up in the morning and tell yourself to move your feet in the direction of your kitchen: whatever that effort is, if it's impetus is a prayerful wish to take action for your Lord in your life, it's good. If a plan, small or large, results in less than you'd like it to, get a new plan, operate on the one you've just experienced, make changes, be flexible in your undertakings.

Naturally, if you have companions to exchange experiences with, so much the better. We are all limited and we will all disappoint someone and so we receive the company of others with an open mind that cares less for details than for the whole human being, as we hope others do for us. But also, there are those we will come to read more carefully and whose hearts will be easier on our own. Whatever the case may be, ask for assistance. ☺

[Carrie]

Hi again, just one more quote that exhorts us to pray for assistance and one that uses the word "confidence". I had heard my mother speak of a great Baha'i lady who, in a talk she was offering on the spirit in which we pray, said we must pray and then "go paint the bathroom", meaning go, knowing that the Holy Souls are in fact assisting us. I don't think that means go knowing you have this "magic" in your pocket, rather it's the impetus, the first step. So we've prayed, then we need to make ourselves ready for our plan. I don't know if you are a student but I remember my most daunting classes were those for which I wasn't prepared and if I was prepared, I really looked forward to even the most required and not freely chosen subject.

"Lay your confidence in the everlasting bounty, turn to the presence of the generous God; ask assistance from the Kingdom of Abha; seek confirmation from the Supreme World; turn thy vision to the horizon of eternal wealth; and pray for help from the Source of Mercy!"

(Compilations, Baha'i World Faith, p. 351)